Dear Diary – OH!!! I get it now!

May 6, 2014

Dear Diary

So, I go to see this psychic in Kingston and she’s like a really bad version of me in 20years time, seriously scary! Heavily dyed black hair, bright turquoise eyeshadow and clothes that are just that bit too tight.  On the phone when I called she spoke like I was interrupting her from something, but she offered an appointment so I went with it.

After work I drove straight there and was early by 15ms so I called and again her telephone manner was off and I should have trusted my instincts at that point and turned around and gone home, but I thought I might be being judgemental so I waited till my appointment time and went in.

The place was littered with spiritual, religious and native American bits and bobs. For the first 5-10 mins she waffled on about colours, and appeared to be a bit taken with turquoise, or as she pronounced it tur-quawazzz as I sat there biting my finger in an attempt to keep stumm! Anyways, she was really arsey and frankly she annoyed me. She was fishing around here there and everywhere and at some point she started talking about me having a 2nd house, a summer house, talk about making assumptions! Hell I don’t even have a first house! So I burst out laughing and then just said i really didn’t think we were connecting and she agreed, then had the audacity to say she thinks the universe is trying to tell me… at which point I stopped her laughing, saying ‘I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what the universe is trying to tell me do you?’ and there endeth the reading and I left 🙂

Later in the week I finally tracked down someone who a lot of people were chatting about in forums as  being quite good. He was based in Battersea and was a total character. There was little paraphernalia about his place and it was utterly chaotic, but he was charming and entertaining through a fog of rollies. He read me pretty well but then anyone meeting me could get most of what he said, but I’ve also a fairly healthy scepticism even being open to it. He told me of various things and I’ve transcribed them so we’ll see.

The thing I also liked about him was he didn’t charge very much, £25 and I was there an hour and there were many laughs, it made me feel that he wasn’t in it for the money, more for the desire to help which was refreshing.

On another topic, at the weekend I was coming back from Brentford heading towards Kew, when the lights changed and I began to drive on, some idiot on the right decided he would try and jump the traffic lights and ended up in front of me, so I beeped him and called him and idiot, at which point he flicked me the bird whilst pulling faces like na na ne nana! just has he drove up the arse of the car in front he had caught up with! I cracked up, served the bugger right! karma at her best 🙂

Even though I didn’t appear to get my answer, what is the universe trying to tell me, in any obvious way, speaking with a dear friend Debbie, coupled with all these other attempts did finally lead me to the truth. I realised that all this time I have been focusing on what children (foster) would need from me, but I never stopped to think about what I needed, what I wanted personally. So I started exploring other possibilities. I wondered whether I should even consider having my own baby. I don’t think I have great sell by date so I’ll get that checked at the docs.

But in reality, I’m not at all concerned with having a child, as Debbie pointed out the right soul finds the right soul, as it’s meant to be and I believe that. So as soon as I realised that I didn’t just want to help keep a foster family together, I also want my own family, my own daughter and once the penny dropped things just started to fall into place.

Now I understand why (apart from the fact that I didn’t take care of it well enough) my car needed so much of my savings to get it through it’s MOT that I didn’t have enough to move, everything seemed to be steering me in a particular direction and all I could do was fight it. But this realisation makes me feel so very excited.

Granted it’s now a longer journey because I’ll need to get more savings behind me, but I know now what steps I need to take. Within 2 days I’d got a lodger and was very lucky there. Really nice chap who plays a lot of sport and is hardly around. So he’s now with me hopefully for 3 months, time for me to get the money together again to move.

It’s a strange ole journey this, you feel so certain for so many years that you know what you want and it’s amazing to find that you have other levels of feeling and desires you hadn’t recognised in yourself.



About The Cooking and Life Goddess

Writer, creative cook, and novice Paleo in training! Join me as I create and learn on my Cooking, Paleo and Writing journey :)

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